Establishing Friendships in the Stopover

Not long ago, I wrote a post about how exciting it is to live in such a travel hub as Chicago, where people I know are frequently in and out, either for a weekend, or a longer vacation, or simply passing through. I have had a nice rotation of visitors since I first moved here last September.

With this realization, however, I have learned that “passing through” doesn’t just apply to visitors, and this is a bit less thrilling. Friendships are on a regular rotation here, as people are constantly moving in and moving out. I think this is partly a result of my age. People in their twenties don’t seem to stay in one place for too long, especially twenty-year-olds in this generation (as opposed to twenty-somethings two decades ago, for instance). My generation is restless and, dare I say it, fickle. Most of us don’t know exactly what it is we want to do with our lives, and spend only a couple of years at a company before moving on to something fresh, a different slant of light. This leaves individuals like myself, who like to put down roots, in a bit of a friendship predicament.

I’m starting to face the music—circles of friends in Chicago are ephemeral. Re-establishing your social circle seems to be a regular part of city life. It’s logical. City life is always moving, always in flux. Change is inevitable, and that’s good. But for people who are slow and cautious when developing a friendship beyond acquaintanceship, it sometimes feels like I’ve just gotten close to you and you’re leaving for good.

I’ve been re-establishing my Chicago social circle since I moved back to the city in May. When my internship ended in March, most of my Chicago friends (fellow interns) moved away. Several returned home for a rent-free job search, with a return to Chicago in mind, but they haven’t returned. Some moved away for jobs or school—Denver, Seattle, Boston. Only a few of my friends from the intern crowd are still here in the city, and they’re much younger, and tend to have a slightly different set of interests, than myself.

There will always be a friend or two or three who are in it for the long haul. Although, sometimes even those friends surprise you with the sudden announcement, “I’m looking for a subletter! I landed this fabulous job in [insert city name here].” But at least I feel like I have one or two people in the city who were here when I got here and are unlikely to leave soon.

So, here I am re-establishing most of my social circle. It’s slow-moving, even in a place with three million people. Perhaps, the difficulty is because of the numbers of people. It’s funny how I can talk to some, like the girl who cuts my hair, who say they love how many people are in the city because you’re always making new friends. Then there are others (the majority, in my experience), who lament how difficult it is to make friends outside of work, because it seems like everyone has their own thing going on (or maybe they know Chicago is only temporary, so they aren’t making the investment). At any rate, my friends in big cities all over the country have had similar experiences, so I know it’s not unique to me. And even if making solid friendships occurs at a sluggish pace, the fact is that it does occur; I’m starting to feel much better about the state of my social life. I will likely always have to settle for my best friends living far away from me, but I love that there’s always the possibility of meeting somebod(ies) right here in Chicago who may reach the level of friendship I share with my friends from college. At least the constant flux of friends heading in and out means that I can add to the list of places I can visit to enjoy the company of old Chicago pals.